Marriage.......

To be honest, ever since I was 16, I think of marriage as one of the many tasks just like having baby, is one of the tasks that I need to achieve in my life. I used to believe in marraige think it's the end of a couple that they can then have a family which won't break (guess it's becoz I grown up from a complete family tho my parents always fight, we still have a good happy family).

Ever since the last breakup, I found I get lost n lose faith in marraige. To me, that's not a breakup but kind of a divorce. When we got engaged, I thought it's for life. I can't tell myself why someone who promised to spend the rest of life with you will withdraw? True that there were problems between us and I did find it not the best but I thought we could sort things out together just as the vow a couple would say no matter rich/poor, sick/healthy......but then I find out this doesn't exist on the earth or maybe not to me. Still seeing happy couples around I do feel envy, but guess asking god why I can't find a guy who share a marraige with me is just like asking why I am not as pretty as Nicole Kidman I guess........

Attended my cousin's wedding last Sun at the time received the news that E is getting engaged. I know I should be happy for them but I kind of feel bitter, not becoz I am jealous but I guess I used to think marraige is a very happy thing, but now I don't believe in that anymore. When E is getting married, her bro is getting divorced I dun understand what this is all about and why this is happening.

To me, my cousin and her husband really should not get marry. They fight every week, too young, financially not healthy but still they were married. I remember my little cousin said she knows she's very emotional and head strong but her husband gave her a lot of patience and respect. I was truly moved by that, for a guy like him (seriously I never think he's good) but I can see how committed he is.

For one of my best friend E, I knew that they've had hard time comprimising with each others and nearly get to end the relationship. But M is a really good guy and they both hang in there, a recent event at her family was a good reflection to both of them they're really a family. Congrad my dearest friend and I do hope to see the strong sense of belonging will always be with you two!

After all these months, ran into tears again after attending the wedding. Again, please excuse me if I am not coming to your wedding, cause I am still sychologically not prepared.

Out of the blue, I found myself a way to get cheer up. I think everyone should create a playlist on their i pod named "Cheer Up List".